


Natalie

by Seajellybaby



Series: The LA Series [16]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Romance, Series, Soap Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22959106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seajellybaby/pseuds/Seajellybaby
Summary: The LA Series is my attempt to continue the Luke and Noah story from the finale onward.  I have tried to keep as true to the original show as possible.  I hope you enjoy it.As these stories are part of a series I have rated them all as mature - Just to be safe
Relationships: Noah Mayer/Luke Snyder
Series: The LA Series [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601257
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

_“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Noah exclaimed from the cab of his truck, as he peered through the sheet of rain and swishing windscreen wipers; examined the tailback of red lights blocking his route home. It was slightly past rush-hour, but there were still enough cars on the road to create quite a backup._

_Noah sighed; checked his wristwatch. He finally managed to leave the studio at a reasonable hour to spend some much needed time at home and now this had to happen._

_Luke was pulling back from Grimaldi Shipping; giving the new management team time to take the helm. As a result the blonde was working more and more from home, which meant he could watch Nicholas, and Noah could return full-time to the studio. And boy, was he ever back full-time! It was a complete switch of roles to what they were doing before their holiday break in Oakdale. Noah smiled as he remembered it._

_Engaged._

_He laughed softly to himself. He loved the word. It instantly elevated his mood, even after his marathon editing session and the pile of traffic ahead of him._

_“Oh well,” he thought, “nothing for it but to sit it out.”_ _He pressed #1 on his hands-free and waited._

_“This is Luke Snyder, I can’t come to the phone right now…”_

_Noah hung up. There was no point leaving a message. Luke would assume he was still at work… he wouldn’t be worried._

_Noah turned the radio up; hummed along to the tune... slowing inching his truck forward whenever the break lights on the car in front allowed him too._

***

**_From: Joshua Carmody_ **

**_Sent: Thur 03/01/2012_ **   
**To: Natalie Snyder**   
**Cc:**   
**Subject: Hey!**

Dear Nat,

I have to write this quick because I’ve been banned from using the computer.

I’m grounded FOR LIFE!

I’ve never seen my folks so mad! I mean it was just a little weed! Jeez!

Anyways I’m sorry because it means I won’t be at summer camp this year. And I was really looking forward to it! Damn!

Just wanted to let you know in case you looked for me!

Mom just drove up so I have to get offline fast!

Josh

**This message and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this message in error please delete it and any files transmitted with it.**

*******************

“Mr Snyder…”

“Oh, it’s Luke… please!”

“Okay then… Luke...” The charming man smiled genuinely at him. “I’d just like to take a moment to thank you for coming in for this meeting, at a time when I understand you’re having family difficulties?”

Luke’s hand squeezed a little tighter around the pen he was holding. He felt himself stiffen. He eyed the six men and two women at the board table. He hadn’t expected them to bring this up in the middle of a business meeting! He was barely holding on as it was. Quivering spasms... starting small, but gradually building in momentum... ran from the very center of him. “Um, it’s no problem,” he stammered, trying to keep his cool... just as he became aware of the sweat droplets building on this skin. “Um... I told you I’d be available to help you transition ownership of the company in anyway I could.”

Noah was right! Attending this meeting at the request of the new owners was a huge mistake!

“Luke?”

As much as he tried, he couldn’t concentrate on the details being discussed. Voices droned on like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons Nicholas seemed to like so much.

“Luke?”

He blinked... the entire board table all looking at him expectantly. How long had they been waiting for an answer? “Um... I’m sorry... um... what was the question?”

Kieran... the man taking on Luke’s role as CEO... frowned in confusion at Luke’s obvious discomfort and lack of interest. “What are your thoughts on New York?”

He felt suddenly faint; his throat was dry. He leaned forward to pour himself a glass of water from the crystal decanters before him, but he couldn’t reach from a seated position. As he stood, he felt all the blood leave his body.

Things went black.

“Luke? Luke, wake up! Wake up, Luke!" His personal assistant Ellie’s stared worriedly down on him, her palm on his cheek. “Oh my God, Luke! Are you okay? You just collapsed!”

He looked around; realized he was lying flat out on the floor by his chair. The rest of the board members stood around him dumbstruck.

“Are you okay,” asked Ellie again. “Should I call an ambulance?”

Luke sat up and smiled at her. “No Ellie, thank you. I just fainted. I didn’t really eat today. I’m so sorry!” he said to the people around him. “I can’t think…”

“Not to worry, Luke,” said Kieran. “It’s clear you’re not up to this meeting, and it’s completely understandable under the circumstances.”

Luke really wished he would stop saying things like that.

“Can you walk?” asked Ellie.

He pulled himself up... half with her help, half by gripping the table... allowed Ellie to escort him back to his office. “Thanks.” He sighed as he sat back behind his desk, holding a hand to his forehead; sipped at the water she handed him. "Well, that was a train wreck!"

Before he knew it she was using his phone.

“Who are you calling?” he asked. “I told you I don’t need an ambulance.”

“Hello, Noah?” He heard her say. “It’s Ellie here… I’m fine thank you but… oh no… no… don’t panic… it’s just… he kind of fainted…”

“I’m just fine!” Luke exclaimed, annoyed that she involved Noah.

“Hang on,” she handed Luke the handset. “He wants to talk to you.”

“I bet he does!” groaned Luke. “Hello?”

“Luke,” Noah’s voice was urgent, “what happened?”

“Ellie is making a big deal about nothing!” Luke insisted. “I just fainted in the meeting. I didn’t have time to eat today.”

“Dammit Luke! I told you not to go to that meeting!”

“Okay! Okay! Calm down! I’m fine!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, really… I’m fine. There’s no need to worry, okay?”

“Okay, but you know I’m still picking you up?”

“Noah, I can drive!”

“I’m picking you up!”

“What about Nicholas?”

“I’ll just have to bring him along, of course! I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

He didn’t wait for Luke to argue. The phone cut off.

***

_Lily popped home to pick up her mail on her way back to the Lakeview, when she found thirteen year old Natalie slumped at the breakfast bar in an obvious funk. "_ _Hey sweetie, back from school already?”_

_“Yeah…” She dropped her head onto her elbows; blew a wisp of dark hair out of her face._

_“But it’s Tuesday? Don’t you have cheerleading today?”_

_“It was cancelled. Coach broke her toe.” She picked up her phone from the table without lifting her chin from her arm; checked the display... sighed heavily in that way only a teenager could._

_“Something troubling you, baby?” Lily was actually due in a meeting... needed to go... but she got the distinct impression Natalie wasn’t exactly happy._

_“No one’s around!”_

_“Well, what do you mean?”_

_“I mean, I’ve tried to get in touch with somebody and_ no one _is answering me! I’ve texted_ everybody _on my phone!”_

_Lily felt for her. She was such a sociable child... so different from her sister Faith, who could entertain herself for hours with just a book. Natalie seemed to need companionship on a constant basis. As much as she differed from Luke in her appearance... somehow being the only one of Lily’s children with hair so dark it was almost black... in personality she was so strikingly similar to him._ _She knew Natalie loved hanging out with her family, but it could also be such a chore for her, especially since she often ended up as babysitter for Ethan._

_“Well,” tried Lily, “who did you leave these messages with? Did you ask them to meet you?”_

_“I didn’t exactly_ ask _if anyone wanted to get together. I just texted “hi” to a few of them… But_ no one _responded!”_

_Lily chuckled. Obviously in the teenage world the word “hi” was laced with meaning beyond the obvious. It seemed to imply “what are you doing” and “do you want to get together”…_

_She pulled her daughter’s hair up in a ponytail behind her head and suggested, “Why don’t you phone one of them and actually ask them over? Maybe they don’t realize you want company.”_

_“I guess…”_

_Lily frowned. Her efforts to improve on Natalie’s mood didn’t seem to have made any difference. And it wasn’t just today. Natalie had been like this for at least a week or more._ _“What is it, baby,” Lily pleaded, “you seem so sad lately.”_

_“Can I go stay with Luke and Noah for a few days?”_

_The question came out of nowhere and was so left field of the original topic that Lily was taken aback._ _“What?”_

_“Well, Spring holidays are coming up, and it would just be nice, you know? To get out of here for once…”_

_Lily considered this for a while. Natalie was old enough to fly alone, and Lily really couldn't think of any reason so say no... besides the fact that she would miss her terribly, even if it was just for a week._ _She leaned over and kissed the top of Natalie's head. “I’ll have to talk to your father first…”_

_“But I can go?” Excitement and hope filled her voice and she perked up immediately._

_Lily laughed. “If your Dad agrees and Luke and Noah are okay with it, then I don’t see why not.”_

_Her daughter flew her skinny arms around her mother's neck, and in-between kisses on Lily’s cheek yelled, “Thank you… thank you… thank you!”_

***

_Eventually Noah reached the point where the main road ended and the four lanes narrowed into three... then into two, becoming surprisingly narrow for a few miles, before branching off in different suburban directions. He cursed slightly when he realized the traffic problem was likely emanating from this two lane road. He was most likely in for an even longer wait to get home._

_“Why tonight of all nights!” he grumbled to himself._

_Finally after another twenty minutes of slow tail-backing, he caught the lights of the emergency vehicles up ahead._

_“Not long now and then I’m home,” he thought._

_As he drew closer, he couldn’t see any smashed cars; wondered what the problem was. But it all became clear as he passed. He could see that the paramedics were just in the process of lifting a gurney into the ambulance, so he knew they had a casualty. But then his eyes briefly caught the sight of a bent bicycle tire._

_“Another biker,” he thought, "poor guy!"_

***

 **From: Natalie Snyder** **Sent: Tues 03/13/2012**  
 **To: Joshua Carmody**  
 **Cc:**  
 **Subject: Re: Hey!**

Dear Josh,

I hope you get this!

I’m coming to LA!!!!!!!!! :-)

Spring break!

Love Nat xxx

**This message and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this message in error please delete it and any files transmitted with it.**

***

_Noah pulled his truck into the garage next to Luke’s car. In that moment, he did perceive that something was different, but he was too tired to bother working out what it was._

_As he entered the house... drenched from the rain... all was dark and dead quiet. He frowned. That was odd. It was only 9:00_ _PM._ _“Luke?” he called softly, not wanting to wake Nicholas. “Nat?”_

_Silence._

_He dropped his bag by the door; hung his key on the hook... yawned broadly. He checked on Nicholas as he made his way down the hall; found him sound asleep with one leg hanging off the side of the bed. Noah chuckled; lifted the limb back up on the sheets. The child stirred; shifted into a tight ball. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked gently in his sleep. Noah pulled the top sheet over him... kissed him. "_ _Sleep tight, baby,” he whispered with a smile._

_He stretched his arms in the air as he made his way to the second bedroom, where he expected to find Natalie either on the computer or listening to music. He knocked a few times, and when he didn’t get an answer, softly opened the door. "_ _Nat? You awake?”_

_The room was empty, the bed still made up._

_Noah stared at the vacant darkness for a few minutes, trying to work out where she could be. The kitchen light hadn’t been on, he was sure. And anyway, wouldn’t she have answered him if she was there?_

_Sure there was a logical explanation, he finally made it to their bedroom, where he found Luke passed out on the bed._

_“So early?” he said to himself._ _He sat down next to Luke and shook him slightly. “Luke?”_

_“Hmm?” His hair was all tousled and spiky, as though he’d fallen asleep with it damp._

_“Luke, baby, wake up...”_

_“Nooooo!”_

_Noah bent over; Eskimo kissed him. “You’re already asleep?”_

_“What?” Finally Luke opened his eyes. Seeing Noah, he turned to look at the clock by the bed. “Oh, my God! I only meant to rest my head at 6:00! I can’t believe I fell asleep!”_

_Noah laughed. “Well maybe you needed it!”_

_“Yeah… I guess Nicholas finally managed to talk me to sleep!” He stroked Noah’s arm. “You’re all wet. Is it raining?”_

_“Absolutely bucketing it down!” Noah said smiling at him, as he stood to remove the wet suit he had on. “So, where’s Natalie?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Nat? Did you let her go out after all?”_

_Luke’s eyes grew wide. He shot up and out the door so fast Noah had to do a double-take..._

_“Luke?” Noah followed Luke into the guest bedroom; found him looking flabbergasted at the empty room._

_“She didn’t!” He stated angrily._

_“Didn’t what?”_

_“It was the same damn issue! She kept going on and on at me about letting her go out tonight and I told her explicitly no!”_

_“And she went anyway…” Noah said, as though it were obvious she would. “Shit Luke, where would she go?”_

_Luke rushed back to their room; grabbed his cell off the bedside table... quickly rang her number. He locked eyes with Noah who was standing in the doorway._ _“Nothing!” Luke hung up._

_“Well, don’t panic, okay?” said Noah. “I’m sure she’s fine! I’m going to kill her when she get’s back, but I’m sure she’s okay! I mean, how would she get anywhere? She wouldn’t dare take the car again and-”_ _Noah’s sentence cut short as a terrible thought came to him. Images flashed through his mind; his stomach did a somersault._

_“Noah?” Luke sensed the change in him._

_Noah sped to the living room... grabbed his keys off the hook... rushed back out into the rain. Frantically he pressed the button that would open the garage door, praying privately that he was mistaken. But he was already in the grip of a sick feeling…_ _Come on!” he yelled, as the roller door moved too slowly._

_By then Luke had caught up with him. “What is it?”_

_As Noah turned on the garage light his fear was realized. The wall where Luke’s bicycle usually hung elevated by special hooks; was empty. His heart was suddenly beating with a force that shook him like the skin of a drum._ _He hadn’t been thinking it! Why would he? But if he had looked... if he had really looked... he would have known for sure what his subconscious already did. Luke’s bicycle had white ribbons tied to the handle... ribbons that were punched with tiny stars… ribbons that Luke hated, but that Nicholas had made for him... insisted he tie to his bike._

_Those ribbons had lain muddy in the wet grass... illuminated briefly by the headlights of his truck... still attached to the mangled bicycle by the side of the road._


	2. Chapter 2

Luke’s head was still throbbing, so he sent Ellie to find him some aspirin while he waited for Noah to fetch him.

Actually he also sent her so that he could be alone in his office for a few minutes. Well it wasn’t really his office anymore, was it? Grimaldi shipping was sold! That was at least one less thing to worry about in his life... even though he was still on the GS payroll as a consultant to the new CEO. He didn’t want to just up and leave his staff without making sure the new owners treated them fairly.

When they phoned in the morning to ask whether he could attend the meeting he’d been okay... better than he’d felt in a while. He thought the meeting might help in some way; keep his mind off things. But it was blatantly obvious he wasn’t currently up for working.

He sighed with relief as he rested his head on his elbows; bent over his desk. He was glad Ellie left. Her fussing was partly contributing to the throbbing pain. At moments like these, when his brain replayed that night over and over... relentlessly... whether he wanted it to or not, he needed quiet. He needed to close his eyes and drift into sleep.

***

_“Nat? Nat!” Luke hooked his sister’s arm to stop her from leaving._ _He didn’t know where she thought she would go. They didn’t live near a bus stop, and she would have to walk for miles to get anywhere._

_“No, I’m going and you can’t stop me!”_

_“Nat please, why are you being this way? You always used to listen to me? I’m just trying to understand, okay?”_

_“No, you’re trying to boss me around! But you’re not my father, Luke! And I don’t have to do what you say!”_

_“No, you’re right. I’m not your father. But I_ am _your older brother and Mom and Dad have trusted us to take care of you! What would I tell them if I allowed you to go out on your own and something happened to you?”_

_“Nothing’s going to happen!” she moaned in the certainty of a teen completely naïve to the real world._

_“Would you at least tell me where you’re so set on going?”_

_“Questions, questions! That’s all I get from you, Luke! It’s like you have to know everything about my life!”_

_“Yes, I do want to know, Nat! If I knew, then maybe I could understand what’s going on in your crazy head! You are not going out and that is final! After what you pulled with my car you’re lucky I haven’t sent you home already! Now I don’t want to hear another word about it!”_

_She eyed him steely, but he didn’t flinch. Eventually shouted, “Fine!” right in his face, before storming off to the guest room; slamming the door._

_Poor little Nicholas had long since found solace in main bedroom closet. He didn’t often hide in there anymore, but he still had problems when there was any yelling in the house._

_It was his bath time, so Luke coaxed him out by letting him run the water; prepare the bath... a new novelty in his life. As Nicholas chatted away non-stop, Luke soaped him up... washed him down. He allowed Nicholas ten minutes to play with his plastic ships, before lifting him out, drying him off, and carrying him... towel wrapped... to his room._

_Luke couldn’t help but sigh as they passed the closed door of the guest bedroom._

_“You won’t ever give me this much trouble when you’re thirteen, will you kid?” he asked Nicholas._

_“Oh no! I’m a good boy! Noah says!”_

_Luke smiled at him. “Yes you are.” He kissed Nicholas whilst using the towel to dry him off._

_“Will you read me Peter Pan?” Nicholas begged, as he lifted his arms to help Luke dress him._

_“Yes baby,” Luke wasn't actually in any mood to entertain Nicholas, but he was lucky… Nicholas drifted off before Luke even finished the second page._

_Luke felt remarkably tired. He spent some time having a relaxing and soothing shower, bringing his frustrations at Natalie’s behavior down to a minimum. He wondered whether he should call his mom for advice, but he didn’t want to worry her. He threw on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a red shirt; tried knocking on Natalie’s door._

_“Go away!”_

_He sighed once more; went back to the bedroom to lie down on the bed, thinking briefly that he should have dried his hair first. It was 6:00 PM._

***

“Luke?” Ellie was at a loss. Luke sat frozen, staring ahead of him as though his soul had somehow left his body behind in the chair. His face was masked, hiding all thoughts. There was no sound coming from him. Not even that of breath. He looked like a ghost and it scared her. “Luke?” she tried again. “I have the aspirin...” She placed the bottle on the table; poured him another glass of water from the jug on his desk. Her heart went out to her lovely boss, who was so broken up over his little sister.

She was thankful that Noah was on his way. He’d know what to do.

***

_Natalie Snyder had been in love with Josh Carmody for three whole years, and during that period she'd seen him just three times each year at summer camp._

_The first time she saw him was from a distance. He glided out of the mess hall; stood for a moment on the steps... basking in the sunlight... smiling with his two friends. He had a Hollywood smile with the whitest teeth she’d ever seen on anybody before; lightly-tanned skin that set off his blue eyes to perfection; a soft wave of brown hair._

_Natalie instantly felt the butterflies in her stomach. He winded her. He was the most perfect boy she'd ever laid eyes on. There was not a single boy at camp that could hold a candle to the boy standing with confidence on that step._

_For three days, Natalie devoured him with her eyes. She burned his image into her memory so that she could dream of him when she eventually returned home to Oakdale. She told none of her friends about her feelings. They were her private thoughts and she kept them locked within her heart. On the fourth day of camp she was messing about with some friends on the wooden dock by the lake, and she dropped her favorite necklace into the water. It was the one with the little silver horse charm on the end that Noah sent her for her birthday._

_“Oh no,” she cried, “my necklace!”_

_But before she could even get upset about it, the boy she’d been admiring from a distance dived elegantly into the water... not even making a splash... retrieved her possession from the sandy floor of the lake. He broke through the surface of the water like a dolphin... like he’d been born swimming; effortlessly pulled himself up onto the dock. He turned to sit with this feet dangling in the water, droplets running down his cheeks and clinging to his hair and skin. He was shining like some kind of aqua knight._

_She was besotted._ _“Thank you!” she exclaimed as he lifted up his hand so that she could take her necklace from him. She felt his finger brush hers and a warmth spread up her cheeks._

_“No worries!” he smiled dashingly back at her._

_“Um, I’m Natalie…”_

_“I'm Josh. Nice to know you, Natalie...”_

_Josh! What a beautiful name! And his voice… wow!_

_From that moment on Natalie and Josh were inseparable. They would explore the camp together, team up with each other in the social games... eat together. They would talk for hours, even sneaking out past curfew to find a quiet spot in the woods or by the lake. She was ten years old and he was thirteen, but the age difference didn’t seem to matter and the two of them became fast friends._

_Natalie was devastated when camp ended. But she was happy when Josh kept in touch with her throughout the rest of the year, sending her regular e-mails about his life in Los Angeles. It seemed so glamorous and exciting… and she always felt like such a loser when all she could describe in return was the same old same of Oakdale._

_The following year she was eleven and much, much older... more sophisticated than she was at ten, she thought. And she felt sure that Josh would see her as potential girlfriend material. She spent ages preparing for summer camp. She had her mom take her shopping for new clothes in an effort to try and look beautiful for him, praying that he would notice her as a girl rather than just as a friend._

_But that summer camp passed as before. The two of them spent every moment together, but no matter where she placed herself within his periphery, Josh made no attempt to hold her hand, kiss her or anything. Although she was disappointed, it didn’t stop her from having another awesome time with him, and she was once again left glum at the end of the adventure, when it was time to part._

_The following year she was twelve and even older and far more grown up! But it seemed that the older she got, the more he started to treat her as a child. He was fifteen by this stage... spent a lot more of that summer with his friends. He would still hang with Natalie. He would still partner with her in games and walk with her in the woods. He seemed to enjoy her conversation, but Natalie definitely noticed his desire to spend more time apart._

_So she sat for half an hour staring blurry eyed at the computer screen... reading and re-reading Josh’s e-mail to say he wouldn’t be at summer camp that year. And she was thirteen, so it was definitely her year! He would definitely have noticed her; seen her for the woman she was becoming. And now? Now he wouldn’t be there. She was devastated! There was no point in even going to summer camp if Josh wasn’t there!_

_And already she was formulating a plan! She quickly searched an online map for the location of his address. It was only two suburbs away from Luke and Noah’s house._

_Her plan would enable her to see Josh in just a few weeks time!_

***

_Day one of Natalie’s arrival in LA was nothing short of perfect. They collected the excited and bubbly girl from the airport, Nicholas dominating the conversation with questions about Ethan._

_“Did Ethan come too?”_

_“Where’s Ethan?”_

_“What’s Ethan doing?”_

_He seemed happy to accept Natalie as a temporary substitute, but made sure to let them know that the lack of Ethan wasn’t exactly what he had in mind then they mentioned a family visit. They could only smile at each other._

_Natalie seemed extremely happy to be there. Whenever Nicholas gave her the chance, she chatted amicably with them about school and her friends; caught them up on the general goings on in Oakdale._ _“Oh and I think Dad’s planning to move back into the house!”_

_“Really?” asked Luke as he came to a stop at a red light. “Why’s that?”_

_“Oh, you know, it’s those little things he does like… the other day he mentioned repainting the hall. And then he wanted to buy mom a new kitchen!”_

_Luke laughed. “Yep! It does sound like he’s nesting doesn’t it?”_

_“Or maybe he’s just trying to do something nice for your mom?” Noah suggested, not wanting the two of them to get their hopes up only to have them smashed once again when their parent’s romance didn’t go to their timetable._

_“You’re such a pessimist!” teased Luke. “Anyway, it doesn’t really matter what they do, hey Nat? So long as they are both happy.”_

_“Yes,” she agreed, “and they definitely are!”_

_She was also very excited about the engagement; laid out a number of ideas she’d had since the moment they’d sat the family down and told them all the good news. Lily screamed and then cried. Holden smiled that soft smile of his; shook both their hands. Emma cried and rewarded each boy with a kiss on both cheeks. The girls were the most excited. They begged to help in the preparations._ _Luke could only laugh at Natalie as she railed off the numerous thoughts she’d had._

_“Nat,” Noah reminded, “we haven’t even set a date yet! We really aren’t in any kind of hurry... but as soon as we do, we’ll let you know, okay?”_

_“Yeah okay, but do you like any of my ideas!”_

_Both men laughed out loud at her gusto._

_After a quick lunch at home to drop off her bags, they took Natalie and Nicholas into the city to explore some of the Hollywood tourist attractions… Universal Studios, The Walk of Fame, Sunset Boulevard._

_Natalie was spellbound by LA, but especially by its people. She stared at and studied almost every person they past, as though she’d never seen such beautiful and fascinating creatures in her life. She would stop to talk to anybody who was willing to give her the time of day, and she didn’t seem to care who they were. She’d speak to a homeless guy in a doorway just as quick as she’s try to speak to some snooty Beverly Hills type. She didn’t care! It was the company she enjoyed._

_Of course they ended their tour at the beach, playing games on the pier and going on the fairground rides. Well Luke and Natalie rode them. Noah was content to stay on terra firma with Nicholas eating cotton candy._

_They spent the whole day and evening laughing and joking together, generally just having fun, s_ _o it wasn’t until the following day of Natalie’s visit that the trouble started._

_Natalie... a free spirit used to floating around Oakdale as her fancy and whim took her... was quickly brought down to earth when she discovered her older brother had no intention of giving her the same freedoms in LA._

_At first she started with light-hearted begging, obviously sure she would sweet talk Luke and Noah into giving her what she wanted. But by day four she was livid with indignation._ _“It’s not fair!” She yelled as they gathered in the living room._

“This isn’t Oakdale, Nat! You’re not used to big cities, and there is absolutely no way you are going out there alone! Forget it!” Luke yelled back. He was at the end of his tether with her.

_“I’m not a baby anymore, Luke! I can take care of myself!”_

_“You’re not an adult either. Look Natalie, I’m sorry. If there is someplace you would like to visit, Noah and I will gladly take you there, but we will be with you and that is final!”_

_“I can’t believe you!” she spat. “All those times you moaned about Dad not giving you any freedom and now look! You turn around and do the same thing to me! You’re worse than Dad and I_ hate _you!”_ _She stormed outside, slamming the front door so that the walls shook._

_Luke reopened the door after her; yelled, “Yeah? Well I'm glad you think I'm like Dad, because he was right!” before slamming the door closed again. “Urg!”_

_Noah, who sat watching this exchange from the couch, couldn’t stop himself from chuckling._

_"Oh,” Luke responded to him, “I’m glad you think this is so funny!”_

_“I’m sorry, it’s just she’s so damn stubborn and determined. She reminds me of a miniature version of the old you! It’s kinda cute!”_

_“You better watch it mister or I’ll march right over there to give you a hiding!”_

_“Ooh, is that a promise?” Noah smiled; winked suggestively, eliciting a grin from Luke._ _But the grin quickly fell when they heard the unmistakable sound of his car starting in the garage._

_“She wouldn’t!” Luke exclaimed._

_They heard the car back fast down the drive._

_"Oh, I think she has!" Noah shot up off the couch; followed Luke who was already on route through the door._

_They ran outside just in time to see the car make it halfway down the road, shoot forward, and ram right into a streetlamp, coming to an abrupt stop._


	3. Chapter 3

_"Natalie!" Luke screamed, running desperately toward the car. But they could already tell she wasn’t hurt as she stumbled out of the driver’s seat looking extremely horrified. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”_  
  
 _“I’m sorry!” she cried. She had a small bleeding cut below her hairline, but was otherwise just shocked._ _“I’m so sorry, Luke! I was so mad! And I wanted to go out_ so _badly!”_  
  
 _Luke grabbed her elbow roughly. “Are you out of your damn_ mind _! You could have killed yourself! Or even worse… somebody else!”_  
  
 _“Luke,” Noah put his hands on Luke’s shoulders; pulled him back, “she’s in shock. Calm down.”  
  
_ _Luke’s anger dissipated slightly; he pulled the sobbing Natalie into a relieved hug._  
  
 _“It doesn’t look like anyone saw anything, and there’s just a slight dent on the bumper,” Noah said. “I’ll drive the car back into the garage, and then we won’t have any issues with her driving underage, okay?”  
  
Luke nodded; walked the sobbing child back to the house.  
  
A few minutes later, Noah found them waiting in silence in the kitchen. It was obvious they’d had words. Luke leaned up against the counter with his arms folded and Natalie sat slouched at the breakfast bar, sniffing back tiny weeps... but looking just as defiant.  
  
_ _Noah silently indicated to Luke to stay where he was; held out his hand for Natalie. She looked up at him... eventually took it shakily... allowed Noah to lead her into the bathroom. Wordlessly he sat her on the toilet, grabbing cotton wool buds from the cabinet... gently lifted her chin and pushed her hair back so he could set to work cleaning the cut on her head._  
  
 _“You’re not mad at me?” Natalie asked finally._  
  
 _“I am angry, Natalie. What you did was very dangerous.”_  
  
 _“Then why don’t you yell at me like Luke did?”_  
  
 _Noah dumped the dirty bud into the bin... grabbed another, dipping it in antiseptic before continuing his ministrations._ _“Let’s just say I’ve had some experience with overly-impulsive Snyder’s…” Noah smiled knowingly, releasing some of the tension as Natalie laughed wetly._ _“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from dealing with your brother, it’s that yelling doesn’t help. It just makes you Snyder’s all the more determined."_ _Noah applied a band-aide to her cut; kissed her forehead._ _“There."  
  
_ _“I’m sorry Noah,” she whispered, staring at her hands._  
  
 _“I’m just glad you’re okay.”_  
  
 _“Do you think Luke will forgive me?”_

 _Noah smiled. "Get out there and apologize for the damage you did to his car. That would be a good place to start."_ _  
  
_***  
  
Natalie was the victim of a hit and run.  
  
Despite numerous police appeals for information, and although a number of drivers reported seeing a car parked in the vicinity where she was found, it had rained torrentially that night... visibility next to nothing. Nobody was able to give a vivid enough description of the vehicle. Some drivers had seen a biker that night, but nobody saw Natalie go down. The police had nothing to go on.  
  
Of course this sent Luke on one of his crusades. He was furious; spat about his dissatisfaction for the law that always seemed to give criminals the upper hand. In an attempt to placate him somewhat, Noah spent hours with him combing the area of the incident in the hopes they’d find something the police might have missed. But the rain had washed away any evidence of tire tracks or skid marks. The case was getting colder with each passing day.  
  
To say Noah was worried about Luke was an understatement. The man would one minute be in complete denial about the seriousness of the situation; like today when he’d insisted on attending the meeting at Grimaldi Shipping. Then in another minute, he’d be in pieces, clinging onto Noah and tearing himself up with the guilt he felt for not paying more attention the night Natalie sipped out the house.  
  
Luke seemed to be suffering from an acute kind of nausea, and so he ate almost nothing. And what he did eat seldom stayed down. He grew paler and more listless with each passing day, showing little interest in anything. He slept very little too... afraid to dream.  
  
Sometimes it felt like Luke wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened. Pretend and go on with life as per normal. But that was impossible, Noah knew.  
  
“Noah!” Ellie was obviously more than relieved to see him. “Thank God! I didn’t know what to do!”  
  
Luke was still at his desk when Noah entered the office with Nicholas.  
  
“Luke?” he called softly.  
  
There was no response from him.  
  
***  
  
 _Natalie didn’t dare try to phone Josh. She knew he was grounded, so the only why she was going to see him was by directly visiting his house, hoping she could sweet talk his mother into letting her in.  
  
Her biggest problem was Luke! He was being _so _unfair! Treating her like some little kid! She couldn’t believe it! Of course there was no way in hell she was going to tell Luke about Josh! How embarrassing would_ that _be? And she just knew he’d tease her for all eternity. “Josh and Nat, sitting in a tree... blah!”  
  
She’d thought about telling Noah, but then changed her mind when she realized he’d just tell Luke. She knew they didn’t keep secrets from each other. And besides, what if Josh rejected her? It would be the worst thing if Josh rejected her and they both got to know about it!  
  
_No _! She was keeping this to herself. Then when she and Josh were an official couple, she could announce the happy news; surprise everybody. And everybody would realize how grown up she was.  
  
Just then Luke knocked on the door.  
  
“Go away!” she yelled at him.  
  
_ _Jeez! Why did he have to pry so much into her life? Why couldn’t they just_ leave her alone _!_  
  
 _Then a thought came to her. Earlier that day she’d taken Nicholas for a ride on Luke’s bike…_  
  
 _Luke’s bike!_  
  
***  
  
Luke had withdrawn into himself; skin tightening across his cheekbones. He was completely drained of color. But this wasn’t the first time Noah had found him this way. It was becoming more and more frequent. Noah’s heart went cold. It was almost routine now.  
  
A few days before, Noah received a phone call from a security officer in the mall to say he’d found his number on an emergency card inside of Luke’s wallet... "Can you come quickly?"  
  
Noah arrived frantically to find Luke in a complete stupor, sitting on the side of an indoor fountain... Nicholas at his feet. A shop owner explained how he’d noticed Luke sitting there... unmoving... for more than half an hour. He’d eventually become concerned for the child. On approaching Luke, the shop owner received no reaction from him whatsoever. He’d questioned Nicholas, who was of course terrified; sat on the floor clinging to Luke’s leg. A few of the other shop owners and customer’s tried to help, but Luke didn’t budge. Thinking quickly, the security guard had searched Luke’s pockets, finding his wallet.  
  
Bending down Noah had gripped Luke’s shoulders, shaking him slightly, calling his name. Eventually Luke noticed him.  
  
“Noah,” he’d said frowning, “what are you doing here?”  
  
“Luke,” Noah had replied holding back tears, “you’ve been sitting here for an hour.”  
  
Of course Luke had been horrified. “Oh, my God, Nicky! I’m so sorry!”  
  
They had sadly agreed he would no longer be left alone with Nicholas.  
  
Now Noah studied Luke carefully. He sat Nicholas in the visitor chair, grateful the child sensed the need to remain silent. He edged his way around the desk; dropped to one knee beside Luke... lifted his hand to pull Luke's gaze to his.  
  
Luke stared straight through him for a moment; blinked once... twice... then rapidly shaking off whatever feeling had gripped him in that trance. As though Noah’s touch... his presence... was all he needed to wake. “Hi,” he said with a loving smile, like everything was normal and he hadn’t just left the world for a while.  
  
“Hey,” replied Noah, trying to keep the concern from his voice. He swallowed hard and asked, “You ready to go home?”  
  
Luke glanced around the office looking lost, but then he seemed to remember where he was and nodded... stood to follow Noah.  
  
Noah lifted Nicholas in his arms... held Luke’s hand as the three of them headed for the exit.  
  
***  
  
 _“Hello? Are you on the information desk? I’m trying to locate my sister? I believe she may have been run down tonight on a bicycle?” His voice was cracking. Noah leaned over from the driver’s side to squeeze his knee. Noah drove as fast as he could toward the East Los Angeles Doctor’s Hospital, a place where they’d both been treated before. It was the closest, and they felt sure the ambulance would head there first._

_He was grateful for the break in the rain. By the time they'd passed the accident spot, most of the cleanup crew had left. But those that remained had no information about the victim. Noah left them his card so the police working on the case could contact him.  
  
_ _“Hello? No, please don’t put me on hold!” Luke slammed his hand into the dash._

_Noah’s eyes lifted to the rear-view mirror, where he saw Nicholas jump in his car seat._ _“It’s okay, Nicky. Luke’s just worried about Natalie, okay?”  
  
Luke looked back and saw the fearful expression. “Sorry, baby,” he said; turning back to Noah. “They sound really busy! What do we do?” He faced the road ahead. “What do we do? She’s dead isn’t she?”  
  
_ _Noah looked at him; decided to pull over for a moment._  
  
 _“What are you doing?” Luke yelled hysterical now. “Why are you stopping?”_  
  
 _Without speaking Noah climbed out of the car; walked around to the passenger door. Opening it he leaned over Luke to unclip his seat belt, pull him up out the seat into a standing hug.  
  
Luke broke down instantly. “What do I tell Mom and Dad?”  
  
His tears soaked through Noah’s shirt as Noah kept an eye on Nicholas through the car window. The child was obviously confused, having been ripped out of bed in the middle of the night, but Noah thought he was handling things okay. He wished he could say the same for himself. He was holding on only because Luke needed him to. He was still recovering from the look on Luke’s face when he heard what Noah knew about the bicycle.  
  
“God Noah, what if she’s…?”  
  
_ _“Luke, we don’t know anything yet, okay? Let’s not think the worst until we have more information.”_  
  
 _The air smelled of the storm as cars rushed past them.  
  
Luke pulled back. “But I can’t _get _any information!” He shook his head at Noah. “Shit! Shit! Why would she do this, hey? Dammit! Why would she sneak out like that?”  
  
Noah held him again. They stood that way for a few minutes while he waited for Luke to calm down some... at least as much as he could under the circumstances. Eventually the rain began to fall once more, soaking their shirts and chilling their skin.  
  
“Come,” Noah said, hand on Luke's cheek, “let’s get to the hospital. We’ll have more luck there I’m sure! Maybe Nurse Maggie or June are on duty? They’ll help us find her!”  
  
Luke nodded and Noah kissed his forehead; returned to the driver’s seat and started the car.  
  
  
_***  
  
The sound of something banging woke Noah from his sleep.  
  
“Wow!” he exclaimed softly, as he watched the rivers of water running down the glass of the window... the rain pelting against it. They'd had covered the day shift and were exhausted by the time they turned in. It was an early night for them, around 7:00 PM. Checking the clock now revealed it to be just after 10:30. He rolled over to cuddle Luke; jerked fully awake when his arm landed on sheet instead of body. Luke was gone.  
  
“Luke?” he called, in case he was in the bathroom.  
  
He heard more of the banging that had originally woken him. He left the bed walked down the hall, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. All was dark and quiet, except…  
  
The front door was wide open and flinging back-and-forth in the wind.  
  
Noah’s instincts immediately went on high alert.  
  
“Luke?” he called out of the door, into the rainy night. It was really pouring outside. It was the same as _that_ night. Noah felt that familiar stab of anguish in the pit of his stomach; had to shake it off to continue his search for Luke.  
  
Luke’s coat and shoes were still by the door; a second check on the bedroom convinced Noah that Luke hadn’t changed his clothes.  
  
Had he just walked out into the night?  
  
Noah felt all the blood draining from his body... his muscles knot together.  
  
How long ago was that?  
  
Alarm bells were ringing loudly in his head, demanding urgent action. He lurched quickly into panic, his hands and stomach clenching as he fought to control rational thought. But he needed the ability to think. He had to hold onto that at all costs.  
  
Following instinct alone he rushed to pull on his jeans; ran to Nicholas’ room... gently as possible lifted him up.  
  
Nicholas let out a groan of complaint.  
  
“I’m sorry, baby. Shh. Shh.”  
  
He threw a raincoat over the child; ran through the rain to the garage... gently secured Nicholas in his car seat, where he promptly fell back to sleep.  
  
As Noah reversed onto the road he paused before driving. “Relax,” he said to himself, “clam down!” He had Nicholas in the car. He couldn’t afford to drive like a maniac because he was worried for Luke. He had a feeling about where he would find Luke and... sure enough.. as he drove up to the spot where Natalie was run down, his lights illuminated the white of Luke’s sleep shirt and shorts.  
  
Noah left on the headlights, before quickly reaching Luke’s side. “Oh, my God, Luke?”  
  
No response.  
  
Luke stood rigid in one spot, drenched by the rain... shivering. His feet were bleeding from the long shoe-less walk. His eyes held a look of abject horror... wide and unseeing. His cracked lips were muttering something over and over. It was clear he was somewhere between sleep and wakefulness.  
  
Very slowly... very gently... Noah placed a hand on his shoulder. “Baby?”  
  
Suddenly and unexpectedly Luke sank his head in his hands, fingers digging hard into his temples. He let out a wail of pain so loud that it pierced the night, just as it pierced Noah’s heart. Luke's strength seemed to wane; Noah caught him... the momentum pulled them both to their knees on the sodden grass. Luke sobbed as Noah held him on the side of the road, crying harder than Noah had even known him too. Noah cried along with him, until eventually Luke gripped Noah's arms and pushed him back. Wide awake... eyes as clear as glass... he said something but no sound came out.  
  
“What baby?” Noah asked. “What is it?”  
  
The words Luke spoke came out in a strangled whisper. “It was me, Noah... It was me!”  



	4. Chapter 4

_“Natalie!” Luke screamed, running desperately toward the car. But they could already tell she wasn’t hurt as she stumbled out of the driver’s seat looking extremely horrified. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”_

_“I’m sorry!” she cried._ _She had a small bleeding cut below her hairline, but was otherwise just shocked._ _“I’m so sorry, Luke. I was so mad! And I wanted to go out_ so _badly!”_

 _Luke grabbed her elbow roughly. “Are you out of your damn mind_ ? You could have killed yourself! Or even worse… somebody else!”

_“Luke,” Noah put his hands on Luke’s shoulders; pulled him back, “she’s in shock. Calm down.”_

_Luke’s anger dissipated slightly. He pulled the sobbing Natalie into a relieved hug._

_“It doesn’t look like anyone saw anything, and there’s only a slight dent on the bumper,” Noah said. “I’ll drive the car back into the garage, and then we won’t have any issues with her driving underage, okay?”_

_Luke nodded; walked the sobbing child back to the house._

_A few minutes later Noah found them waiting in silence in the kitchen. It was obvious they’d had words. Luke leaned up against the counter with his arms folded, and Natalie sat slouched at the breakfast bar, sniffing back tiny weeps... but looking just as defiant._

_Noah silently indicated to Luke to stay where he was; held out his hand for Natalie. She looked up at him; eventually took it shakily... allowed Noah to lead her into the bathroom. Wordlessly he sat her on the toilet... grabbing cotton wool buds from the medicine cabinet... and gently lifted her chin. He pushed her hair back so that he could set to work cleaning the cut on her head._

_“You’re not mad at me?” Natalie asked finally._

_“I am angry, Natalie. What you did was very dangerous.”_

_“Then why don’t you yell at me like Luke did?”_

_Noah dumped the dirty bud into the bin; grabbed another... dipped it in antiseptic before continuing his ministrations. "_ _Let’s just say I’ve had some experience with overly-impulsive Snyder’s…” Noah smiled knowingly, releasing some of the tension. Natalie laughed wetly. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from dealing with your brother, it’s that yelling doesn’t help. It just makes you Snyder’s all the more determined.”_ _Noah applied a band-aide to her cut; kissed her forehead._ _“There. Good as new.”_

_“I’m sorry, Noah,” she whispered, staring at her hands._

_“I’m just glad you’re okay.”_

_“Do you think Luke will forgive me?”_

_Noah Smiled. "Get out there and apologize for the damage you did to his car. That would be a good place to start."_

***

Natalie was the victim of a hit and run.

Despite numerous police appeals for information... and although a number of drivers reported seeing a car parked in the vicinity where she was found... it had rained torrentially that night; visibility was next to nothing. Nobody was able to give a vivid enough description of the vehicle. Some drivers had seen a biker that night. but nobody saw Natalie go down. The police had nothing to go on.

Of course this sent Luke on one of his crusades. He was furious; spat about his dissatisfaction for the law that always seemed to give criminals the upper hand. In an attempt to placate him somewhat, Noah spent hours with him combing the area of the incident in hopes they find something the police might have missed. But the rain had washed away any evidence of tire tracks or skid marks. The case was getting colder with each passing day.

To say Noah was worried about Luke was an understatement. The man would one minute be in complete denial about the seriousness of the situation; like when he insisted on attending the meeting at Grimaldi Shipping. Then in another minute he’d be in pieces, clinging onto Noah; tearing himself up with the guilt he felt for not paying more attention the night Natalie sipped out the house.

He seemed to be suffering from an acute kind of nausea; ate almost nothing. What he did eat seldom stayed down. He grew paler and more listless with each passing day, showing little interest in anything. He slept very little too, afraid to dream.

Sometimes it felt like Luke wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened. Pretend and go on with life as normal. But that was impossible, Noah knew.

“Noah,” Ellie was obviously more than relieved to see him, “thank God! I didn’t know what to do!”

Luke was at his desk when Noah entered the office with Nicholas.

“Luke?” he called softly.

There was no response.

***

_Natalie didn’t dare try to phone Josh. She knew he was grounded, so the only why she was going to see him was by directly visiting his house, hoping she could sweet talk his mother into letting her in._

_Her biggest problem was Luke! He was being so unfair! Treating her like some little kid! She couldn’t believe it! Of course there was no way in hell she was going to tell Luke about Josh! How embarrassing would that be? And she just knew he’d tease her for all eternity. "_ _Josh and Nat, sitting in a tree... blah!”_

_She’d thought about telling Noah, but then changed her mind when she realized he’d just tell Luke. They were tight like that. And besides, what if Josh rejected her? It would be the worst thing if Josh rejected her and they both got to know about it!_

_No! She was keeping this to herself. Then when she and Josh were an official couple, she could announce the happy news and surprise everybody. And everybody would realize how grown up she was._

_Luke knocked on the door._

_“Go away!” she yelled at him._

_Why did he have to pry so much into her life? Why couldn’t they just leave her alone!_

_Then a thought came to her. Earlier that day she’d taken Nicholas for a ride on Luke’s bike…_

_Luke’s bike!_

***

Luke had drawn into himself, the skin tightening across his cheekbones. He was completely drained of color. But this wasn’t the first time Noah had found him this way. It was becoming more and more frequent. Noah’s heart went cold. It was almost routine now.

A few days before, Noah received a phone call from a security officer in the mall to say he’d found his number on an emergency card inside of Luke’s wallet and, "Can you come quickly?"

Noah arrived frantically to find Luke in a complete stupor, sitting on the side of an indoor fountain, Nicholas at his feet. A shop owner explained how he’d noticed Luke sitting there... unmoving... for more than half an hour. The man eventually become concerned for the child. On approaching Luke he received no reaction whatsoever. He’d questioned Nicholas, who of course was terrified. He sat on the floor clinging to Luke’s leg. A few of the other shop owners and customer’s tried to help, but Luke didn’t budge. Thinking quickly, the security guard searched Luke’s pockets, finding his wallet.

Bending down Noah gripped Luke’s shoulders; shook him slightly... called his name.

Eventually Luke noticed him. “Noah?” he’d said frowning. “What are you doing here?”

“Luke, baby…” Noah replied, holding back tears, “you’ve been sitting here for an hour.”

Of course, Luke was horrified. “Oh, my God! Nicky! I’m so sorry!”

They had since sadly agreed he would not be left alone with Nicholas.

Now Noah studied Luke carefully. He sat Nicholas in the visitor chair, grateful the child sensed the need to remain silent. He edged his way around the desk, dropping to one knee beside Luke; lifting his hand to pull Luke’s gaze to his.

Luke stared straight through him for a moment; blinked once... twice... then rapidly, shaking off whatever feeling gripped him in that trance... as though Noah’s touch... his presence... was all he needed to wake.

“Hi,” he said with a loving smile, like everything was normal and he hadn’t just left the world for a while.

“Hey,” replied Noah, trying to keep the concern from his voice. He swallowed hard and asked, “You ready to go home?”

Luke nodded, standing to follow Noah.

Noah lifted Nicholas in his arms and held Luke’s hand as the three of them headed for the exit, thanking a concerned Ellie on the way.

***

_“Hello? Are you on the information desk? I’m trying to locate my sister? I believe she may have been run down tonight on a bicycle?”_ _Luke's voice was cracking and Noah leaned over from the driver’s side to squeeze his knee._

_He drove as fast as he could toward the East Los Angeles Doctor’s Hospital; a place where they’d both been treated before. It was the closest, and they felt sure the ambulance would head there first. He was grateful for the break in the rain. By the time they passed the accident spot, most of the cleanup crew had left. Those that remained had no information about the victim. Noah left them his card so the police working on the case could contact him._

_“Hello? No, please don’t put me on hold!” Luke slammed his hand into the dash._

_Noah’s eyes lifted to the rear-view mirror, where he saw Nicholas jump in his car seat._ _“It’s okay, Nicky. Luke’s just worried about Natalie, okay?”_

_Luke looked back and saw the fearful expression. “Sorry, baby!” he said before turning back to Noah. “They sound really busy! What do we do?” He faced the road ahead. “What do we do? She’s dead isn’t she?”_

_Noah looked at him; decided to pull over for a moment._

_“What are you doing?” Luke yelled hysterical now. “Why are you stopping?”_

_Without speaking Noah climbed out of the car; walked around to the passenger door. Opening it he leaned over Luke to unclip his seat belt, pulled him up out the seat and into a standing hug._

_Luke broke down instantly. “What do I tell Mom and Dad?”_

_His tears soaked through Noah’s shirt as Noah kept an eye on Nicholas through the car window. The child was obviously confused, having been ripped out of bed in the middle of the night, but Noah thought he was handling things okay. He wished he could say the same for himself. He was holding on only because Luke needed him to. He was still recovering from the look on Luke’s face when he revealed what he knew about the bike._

_“God, Noah! What if she’s…?”_

_“Luke, we don’t know anything yet, okay? Let’s not think the worst until we have more information.”_

_The air smelled of the storm as cars rushed past them._

_Luke pulled back. “But I can’t_ get _any information!” He shook his head at Noah. “Shit! Shit! Why would she do this, hey? Dammit! Why would she sneak out like that?”_

_Noah held him again._ _They stood that way for a few minutes while he waited for Luke to calm down some. At least as much as he could under the circumstances. Eventually it started to rain again, quickly soaking their shirts and chilling their skin._ __“Come, let’s get to the hospital. We’ll have more luck there I’m sure! Maybe Nurse Maggie or June are on duty? They’ll help us find her!”_ _

__Luke nodded and Noah kissed his forehead before returning to the driver’s seat and starting the car._ _

_***_

The sound of something banging woke Noah from his sleep.

“Wow!” he exclaimed softly. He watched the rivers of water running down the glass of the window as the rain pelted against it. They had covered the day shift and were exhausted by the time they turned in. It was an early night for them, around 7:00 PM. Checking the clock revealed it to be just after 10:30. He rolled over to cuddle Luke; jerked fully awake when his arm landed on sheet instead of body. Luke was gone.

“Luke?” he called, in case he was in the bathroom.

Again he heard the banging that had originally woken him. He left the bed to walk down the hall, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. All was dark and quiet, except…

The front door was wide open; flinging back-and-forth in the wind.

Noah’s instincts immediately went on high alert.

“Luke,” he called out of the door and into the rainy night. It was really pouring outside. It was the same as that night. Noah felt that familiar stab of anguish in the pit of his stomach; had to shake it off to continue his search for Luke.

Luke’s coat and shoes were still by the door, and a second check on the bedroom convinced Noah that Luke hadn’t changed his clothes.

Had he just walked out into the night?

Noah felt all the blood draining from his body; his muscles knot together.

How long ago was that?

Alarm bells were ringing loudly in his head, demanding urgent action. He lurched quickly into panic, his hands and stomach clenching as he fought to control rational thought. He needed the ability to think. He had to hold onto that at all costs.

Following instinct alone, he rushed to pull on his jeans; ran to fetch Nicholas from his room... gently as possible lifted him up.

Nicholas let out a groan of complaint.

“I’m sorry, baby. Shh. Shh.”

He threw a raincoat over the child; ran through the rain to the garage, gently securing Nicholas in his car seat where he promptly fell back to sleep.

As Noah reversed onto the road he paused before driving on.

“Relax,” he said to himself, “clam down!”

He had Nicholas in the car. He couldn’t afford to drive like a maniac because he was worried over Luke.

He had a feeling about where he would find Luke. Sure enough, as he drove up to the spot where Natalie was run down, his headlamps illuminated the white of Luke’s clothing.

Noah left on the lights before quickly reaching Luke’s side. “Oh my God! Luke?”

No response.

Luke stood rigid in one spot, drenched by the rain... shivering. His feet were bleeding from the long shoe-less walk. His eyes held a look of abject horror... wide and unseeing. His cracked lips were muttering something over and over. It was clear he was somewhere between sleep and wakefulness.

Very slowly... very gently... Noah placed a hand on his shoulder. “Luke?”

Suddenly and unexpectedly Luke sank his head into his hands; fingers digging hard into his temples... let out a wail of pain so loud that it pierced the night just as it pierced Noah’s heart. His strength seemed to wane. Noah caught him, the momentum sending them both to their knees on the sodden grass.

Luke cried. He sobbed as Noah held him on the side of the road, crying harder than Noah had even known him too. Noah cried along with him. Eventually Luke gripped Noah's arms; pushed him back. Eyes wide and as clear as glass, Luke said something but no sound came out.

“What, baby?” Noah asked. “What is it?”

The next words Luke spoke came out in a strangled whisper. “It was me… Noah, it was me!”


	5. Chapter 5

Noah drove his family home, his heart in his throat. After those words left Luke's lips, Noah didn’t encourage his other half to continue, and Luke didn’t offer any more information. Even under these conditions they both knew Nicholas had to come first.  
  
Back in the house, Noah left Luke sitting on the bed like a zombie while he attended to Nicholas as quickly as he could. Somehow the child slept through the whole event, and it didn’t take more than five minutes to tuck him in.  
  
He stood staring at a devastated Luke from the doorway for a while, tying to work out what to do. His attention fell once again to Luke’s feet. He crossed the room to the en-suite to run the bath water, adding a drop of antiseptic liquid for good measure. While the tub filled, he gently led Luke into the bathroom. He took his own wet clothes off first, then helped Luke with his. Holding Luke's hand he guided the blonde into the bath. Although not mentally present, Luke seemed to know what was expected of him.  
  
The water steamed as Noah slipped in behind Luke. Luke automatically lay back against him; Noah gripping him tight. Luke was still shivering despite being substantially warmed up... but Noah knew the shakes weren’t from being cold.  
  
Noah bent a knee, leaned forward to pull Luke’s leg up so that it rested across Noah's thigh. He spent time paying special attention to the ball of Luke's foot, applying pressure and soaping it up to clean out the cuts. Then he swapped the legs to repeat the process on the other foot.  
  
All Noah could think to do in that moment was to be there for him. It was the least he could do for the man he loved. Occasionally as he worked, he would place soft kisses on Luke’s shoulder. When he finished, they simply lay soaking for a while.  
  
Noah would cup some water in his hand and pour it soothingly over the parts of Luke’s chest and upper arms exposed to the air. After each distribution he’d run his hand down the side of Luke’s face. Luke lay with a cheek pressed to Noah's chest, his eyes closed. He still breathed quite heavily, but Noah could feel his heart rate decreasing as he calmed.  
  
“Noah…” Luke began.  
  
“Shh... Just lie here for a while longer...” Noah whispered it because he thought it was what Luke needed, but also because he dreaded what Luke had to say.  
  
So it wasn’t until later... dried, dressed, and back in bed... that Luke painfully and with difficultly... tearfully... spun out the series of events as he had come to remember them.  
  
***  
  
 _An angry crack of thunder and lightening woke Luke. He quickly realized he’d drifted off . Sure enough when he checked the clock the display read 18:30. His hair was still slightly damp from his shower. He yawned as he sat with his feet over the side of the bed, pushing the unruly strands off his face._  
  
 _Walking down the hall, he noticed that Natalie’s door was still closed. Before attempting to tackle the teenaged wrath once more, he quickly checked in on Nicholas. He thought it was a good thing the child had eaten early that night. Natalie had kept him busy all day and Nicholas grew hungry quickly, so Luke had relented and fed him his dinner. Of course afterward his little body automatically decided it was bedtime, and now he slept soundly. Luke was grateful. He was shattered._  
  
 _He contemplated cooking dinner, but he knew Noah wouldn’t be back until late, and he’d just be using it as a way to prolong the inevitable. He spent a moment psyching himself up for Natalie’s onslaught, then knocked at the door._ _This time she would talk to him whether she wanted to or not._  
  
 _He waited but nothing happened._  
  
 _“Natalie?” he called._  
  
The silent treatment, hey?   
  
_“Nat!," he called again, with a little more gusto. “I’d like you to come out and talk to me about this please."_   
  
_Still no response._  
  
 _“Nat, I mean it!”_  
  
 _Nothing._  
  
 _“Okay, I’m coming in!”_  
  
 _He pushed the door with authority. He needed Natalie to understand that he might be her brother, but he was still the one in charge. His determination was quickly deflated however when he found the room empty._  
  
 _He knew instantly she'd defied his wishes and left the house regardless._  
  
 _“Fuck!” he screamed with frustration; remembered Nicholas and silently chastised himself. He listened for the child’s voice, but the house remained silent._  
  
 _He shouldn’t have fallen asleep! He should have given her time to calm down first! Now she’d seized the opportunity to slip away and he had no idea where she’d go!_  
  
 _“Calm down!, he told himself. “_

 _Thinking rationally, Luke surmised he'd been asleep for about half an hour. She was on foot, which meant she can’t have gotten that far.”_  
  
 _He grabbed his car keys, slipped on his shoes and headed for the door, not bothering to change from his sleepwear. He didn’t have time to waste. He considered leaving Nicholas, figuring she couldn’t have walked more than a ten minute drive away. But something wouldn’t let him. What if the boy woke up and found the house empty. He’d be afraid. So Luke wrapped the child in a sheet and left the house._  
  
 _It was only when he saw the empty spot on the garage wall that he even considered the bicycle. Of course! Isn’t that what he’d have done at that age! He felt like kicking himself! She was so like him, he should have been able to anticipate her!_  
  
 _Nicholas woke up just as Luke was securing him in the car; complained groggily of being thirsty; the typical bad timing of a young child. Luke ran back into the house to collect a juice box, piercing the tiny foil dot with a straw on his way back to the car; handing it to him._  
  
 _“Thank you,” Nicholas said politely, Noah’s knack at teaching him manners seemingly paying off._  
  
 _It was as he pulled out of their road that the heaven’s opened with a thick sheet of heavy rain that pounded on the roof of the car. He turned on his headlamps and wind-wipers, but they were almost useless against the onslaught of water; greatly reducing his visibility of the road ahead. Large puddles and flows were quickly turning the roads into rivers and he had to slow down considerably._  
  
 _“Damn!” he thought to himself as he imagined his sister soaked through. “Crazy kid!”_  
  
 _The road suddenly seemed to empty of cars. He assumed because most people had pulled over to wait it out. He on the other hand was driving with a purpose and needed to find Natalie as soon as possible._  
  
 _“Oh nooooo!” he heard Nicholas exclaim from the back of the car._  
  
 _He checked the mirror instantly... instinctively... to see what had happened._  
  
 _“My juice!” He said sadly, stretching his fingers toward the floor of the car, as if he thought he could reach it if he struggled hard enough._  
  
 _It was only a fleeting moment that Luke took to look up at that mirror… just a second… but when his eyes returned to the road he was momentarily blinded by the dazzling lights of a large HGV delivery truck. The monster vehicle was so wide it spilled over into the oncoming lane. The lane Luke was in. The truck let out a loud and long hoot of protest making him jump._  
  
 _“Shit!” Luke exclaimed, quickly veering the car over just in time to avoid it. Still blinded, he felt the car shake as half its tires hit the gravel on the roadside. It was as he turned back on the road that he heard the distinctive thud, like the sound a large stone makes when it flips up and hits the hubcap of one wheel. In fact that was what any other person would have taken it for, but this was Luke, and this wasn’t the first time Luke had hit a person. He’d run his cousin Jade down once. So he knew. He knew that sound. You never forgot it._  
  
 _And not only that… He had briefly seen an indefinable object flash before his eyes; heard as it hit the roof of the car._  
  
 _He slammed on the breaks and they squeaked in protest before the car jerked to a halt._  
  
No! No! No! Please no! Please tell me I didn’t just hit someone! Please! Please! Please!   
  
_He sat staring wide-eyed at the road ahead, gripping the steering wheel. It was Nicholas who brought him round._ _“Luke, I drop-ted my juice!”_  
  
 _Trying to steady his breathing, Luke unclipped his seat belt; stretched behind the passenger seat to grab the box and give it back to him._  
  
 _“Thank you,” Nicholas said again; innocently resuming his sipping... eyes drooping as he slowly began to fall back to sleep._  
  
 _“Snap out of it Snyder," he thought, “it was an accident and the person might need help!”_  
  
 _Quickly he flew open the car door; ran behind the vehicle... searching through the rain and darkness for the person he felt certain he’d hit._ _“Hello!" he yelled. “Shit! Shit! Shit! Hello! Anybody here?”_ _He stood beside a slight depression on the side of the road. It was pitch black, he was soaked through, and he couldn’t make out a thing._ _“Hello?”_  
  
 _But it was the sky and not a person that answered him in a deep and rumbling growl. A bright flash of lightening lit the space before him, illuminating clearly the outline of trees and bushes... a fence... and a crumpled bicycle with ribbons tied to the handlebars. His bicycle!_  
  
 _Things went back to black, and that was when his brain stopped working._

 _He couldn’t deal with this! There was no way! There was absolutely no way_ this _was true! There was no way this was real. It was a dream! He had fallen asleep at 6:00, and this was a really, really bad nightmare. When he woke up, everything would be okay. He just needed to retrace his steps. He just needed to rewind the series of events and then... then they wouldn’t have happened, right?_  
  
 _So Luke drove back home._

_He parked the car._

_He hung the car key on the hook._

_He put Nicholas to bed and threw away the juice box._

_He removed his shoes and replaced them exactly as they were before._

_And Luke and went back to sleep. Like a robot... inhumane and therefore unable to feel anything... and most of all with the ability to delete its memory bank._  
  
***  
  
One of the effects of a disturbed sleep pattern, is that the person stops dreaming coherently. Any dreams that occur are merely fragments and flashes, restless flickers in the dark... a protection from the truth. But after three weeks without sleep, Luke’s troubled mind finally forced him to replay the full story of that night. His mind would no longer allow him to pause at 6:00 PM. And that’s what he'd been doing, Noah realized... all this time since the accident… freezing at 6:00 PM.  
  
***  
  
 _Noah bent over and Eskimo kissed him, “You’re already asleep?”_  
  
 _“What?” Finally Luke opened his eyes and seeing Noah turned to look at the clock by the bed. “Oh, my God! I only meant to rest my head at 6:00! I can’t believe I fell asleep!”_  
  
***  
  
Ever since that night, Luke’s mind had been relentlessly attacking him, fighting his urgent desire to stay ignorant… Because to remember meant realizing he’d left his sister on the side of road. He hadn’t even waited around to find her. He saw the bicycle, and that was all he could deal with.  
  
Noah stood outside the closed garage door. He’d left Luke... finally released from the repetitive torture on his brain... sleeping fretfully inside the house.  
  
Noah placed a hand on his chest; heartbeat stuttering... the muscles in his throat moving in a convulsive swallow. He pressed the remote button in his hand. He waited shakily for the garage door to open. The rain had stopped and large droplets fell from the door as it rose. He turned on the light; stood looking at the car... afraid to move. Part of him still held onto the hope Luke had dreamed it... that he was so cut up over Natalie, he’d made this crazy story up in his head.  
  
For three whole weeks they had driven this car around... back-and-forth, back-and-forth... and never once did they notice! Why would they? Why under these circumstances of anguish and pain... pressure, tension, uncertainty... would either of them have noticed?  
  
But it could no longer be denied, especially as Noah squatted before the front of the car; distinctly made out the extra dents above those caused by Natalie when she drove Luke’s car into a streetlamp. His hands traced the marks; came up to cup his face. Tears fell. He released a long breath; heartache and fear for Luke drowning him.  
  
He stood; ran his hand over the car's door frame, lifting up slightly on his toes so that he could examine the roof. Sure enough... there in the very center... was a small dent and a scrape where the bike had hit.  
  
What now? What would happen now?  
  
***  
  
When Holden returned from telling his mother, Luke broke the silence and asked, “Dad?” His voice was chocked with the need for acceptance and understanding from his father.  
  
“Your mother wants to see you…” his tone was flat.  
  
Eyeing Holden, Noah asked Luke, “Do you need me to come with you?”  
  
Luke shook his head sadly, and Noah kissed his cheek. He stepped through the door to watch Luke walk down the long white corridor like a scolded schoolboy.  
  
When he returned to the room, Holden was staring out the window; back to Noah.  
  
“Holden…” he said, feeling almost angry and definitely disappointed by Holden's behavior towards Luke, “it’s because he loves her so much that he did it…”  
  
Holden faced him then, his eyes were just short of spilling tears. “I know son.” He stepped forward and gently cupped Noah’s head. “I know.” He pulled Noah against his shoulder. “Come here, it’s all going to be okay…”  
  
***  
  
Lily stood as Luke opened the door. The look on her face made him want to run. “Oh my God, Luke,” she asked, “what have you done?”  
  



	6. Chapter 6

He spotted them as they drove up... right where her brother said they would be. It was a lovely day for it; not too hot and not too cold.  
  
“There they are,” he pointed out, as his mother parked the car.  
  
They walked down the grass hill toward the family gathered near the bottom; knew which was her brother instantly. It wasn’t that they looked the same, rather that they both had that smile that spread from ear-to-ear.  
  
“You must be Josh?” Luke said, shaking his hand.  
  
“Yeah, thanks for springing me for the day,” Josh joked. “This is my jailer, Marion.”  
  
His mother laughed; bumped shoulders with him. “You!” She reached out to shake Luke’s hand. “Pleased to meet you Mr. Snyder. Marion Carmody... but please call me Marion.”  
  
“It’s Luke... pleased to meet you. Thanks for making an acceptation for Josh. It mean’s a lot.”  
  
“Not at all,” she said, suddenly more sullen. “It’s a terrible thing that happened to your sister. Just terrible...”  
  
Josh saw the pain in Luke's face.  
  
“Yes,” he agreed, “but we move on from it. Slowly we move on…”  
  
***   
  
_Standing at the sink, Luke let out a slight and breathy sound of pain through this teeth, just as Noah was stepping out of the shower._  
  
 _The taller man wrapped a towel around his waist... tucked it over a few times to keep it from falling down... drew Luke’s face toward him; tilted Luke's chin. It was just a small nick, but a tiny bead of blood mingled with the white of the shaving foam, turning it pink in color. "_

 _Here...” Noah took the razor from his hand, “let me do it.” He maneuvered the blonde to sit on the edge of the bath; shook the razor in the sink of water. Holding Luke behind his head with one hand, he carefully shaved a path upward; followed the contours of Luke's face._ _He’d never shaved another person before, but he figured it couldn’t be that different from shaving himself. He was surprised to find it oddly intimate... enjoyed it even._  
  
 _They stayed silent as Noah worked. Occasionally Luke’s sad brown eyes would meet his, and Noah could see the fear and trepidation there. In just a few hours Luke would have to explain everything to his parents. He’d have to tell them how he’d run their daughter off the road; abandoned her there._  
  
 _Not that Noah saw things that way. He knew Luke suffered a mental breakdown that night. It was obvious. But it was how Luke felt, and those feelings were making his hands too shaky to shave himself._  
  
 _“There,” said Noah, trying to sound light hearted as he cleaned off the end of the razor in the sink for the last time, “not too shabby if I do say say so myself!”_  
  
 _Luke felt his face and smiled. “It’s great, thanks.”_  
  
 _“That’s what fiances are for…”_ _Noah pulled Luke’s towel from the rack; used it to gently clean the remaining foam from Luke's face... neatly re-hung it._  
  
 _“They’re never going to forgive me for this, are they?” Luke asked dejected. “God! I can’t even forgive myself!”_  
  
 _Noah hugged Luke’s head to his stomach. “Of course they will! Don’t beat yourself up over this, okay? It was an accident.”_  
  
 _He felt Luke nod; felt Luke's hot breath through his shirt as he spoke. “You’re handling this really well.”_  
  
 _“To be honest with you... I’m relieved!”_  
  
 _Luke frowned at him._  
  
 _“I’ve been going crazy with worry these past weeks, not knowing what was going on with you. Now that we know, we can try to sort it, right?”_  
  
 _“I’m not sure we can sort this, Noah.”_  
  
 _“One step at a time, hey? First… time to shower. Need help?”_  
  
 _“No. I can handle it.” Luke replied, standing._  
  
 _“Okay, I’ll get dressed in the meantime.”_  
  
 _Noah kissed Luke long and deep on the mouth. It was a kiss of reassurance that no matter what happened with Luke's parents, he wasn’t going anywhere. "_ _I love you,” he said as he left the room._  
  
***   
  
It had taken quite a bit of persuading to get Nicholas to stay seated in the swing. The child didn’t understand it; was nervous to be left hanging there. But eventually... starting slow... Noah pushed him softly back-and-forth. As the boy felt the wind in his face he smiled. After a few more pushes Noah asked him whether he wanted to try going higher, and soon the child was encouraging this himself. “Higher Noah! Higher!” he yelled through his giggles. “Look-it Grandma! Look!”  
  
“I see baby! Wow!” Lily replied, as she lounged back on the picnic blanket Holden laid down for her.  
  
As he continued to push Nicholas, Noah noticed Luke was looking up the hill; following his gaze... saw the boy and his mother walking down toward them. He smiled to himself. Luke was hoping all morning they would come.  
  
 _***_  
  
 _Luke’s relationship with Natalie had always been a special one. Of course he loved Faith and Ethan like crazy; shared a special and unique connection with both of them. But with Natalie the understanding ran deeper. They shared the same spirit and energy ; sensed this of each other. So Luke was Natalie’s back-up. Whenever she wanted something from her parents, she’d always recruit Luke to her side, knowing he had a stronger knack for persuasion than she. And Luke always understood her. He knew what her internal motives were; those thoughts and feelings the other family members couldn’t comprehend... because Luke thought like her…_  
  
 _So it had hit Luke. It had hit Luke hard to discover that... as he matured into adulthood... he’d started to lose this ability. He couldn’t understand or anticipate the teenaged Natalie as he had the child... and perhaps this was why the accident happened._  
  
 _This as well as other things went through his mind as his mother walked toward him. He took a step back in fear of her retaliation and anger. He was unable to tell her himself. Noah had stayed with him as he spoke to Holden. That had been hard enough! But he simply couldn’t stand to see the look on his mother’s face, so he begged his shaken father to speak to Lily. They had waited for Holden to tell Lily in private._  
  
 _He expected her to hit him. He almost wanted it. Although he knew the pain of a slap would be nothing compared to the pain he felt for his actions. He deserved whatever came his way._ _But it didn’t come. Instead Lily threw her arms around him. “You repressed all of this? This is why you’ve been so lost? Oh my God! My poor, baby! This is why you’ve been so sick these past days?”_  
  
 _“I’m… I’m… so… sorry Mom.” he struggled to say. “I just… I just…”_ _As he tried to get the words out, his tearful eyes fell over Lily’s shoulder onto the tiny body in the bed. He could barely see Natalie for all the machinery they had her wired up to. Instead of finishing the sentence to his mother, he moved away from her to Natalie’s bedside; took his sister’s small hand in his._  
  
 _For three weeks they had been sharing visitor shifts with Lily and Holden. Already he’d spent hours in the room with her, holding her hand, talking to her, reading to her... worrying. And in all those hours, he never once would have imagined or believed that he was the one responsible._  
  
 _“It just couldn’t be me, you know Nat?” With one finger he pushed her fringe back. “I couldn’t be the one that hurt you. I couldn’t accept that! I can’t explain what happened… it… it was like I wanted to change it somehow! I couldn’t let it be true!”_  
  
 _He felt Lily’s hands on his shoulders as his forehead collapsed into the sheets by Natalie’s arm. “Oh, my God! What have I done?”_

 _“Sweetheart…” Lily said softly, “it’s not your fault. It was a terrible accident! A terrible twist of fate...”_  
  
 _“But I_ left _her there, Mom! What kind of person am I? How could I just leave her there? What if my leaving her meant she lost those precious minutes that will help her live? Precious minutes that will help her wake up. Oh, please! Please wake up, Nattie!”_  
  
 _“Luke, you were in shock. Anybody would have been. You blacked it out and it’s not your fault, okay? It’s just how your mind chose to deal with it.”_  
  
 _“How can you not hate me? If I wasn't your son, you would hate me.”_  
  
 _“Luke, you are my son and I love you! I’ve known you your whole life, remember? And I know that under normal circumstances you would never do anything to deliberately hurt her! I know how much you love your sister, baby! I know, okay?”_  
  
 _Luke nodded tearfully._  
  
 _“Anyway…” and a soft smile played on her lips, “we had some good news this morning… just before you and Noah showed up.”_ _Luke looked up at her. God but she looked tired. The underside of her eyes were black from sleepless nights of worry._ _“The doctors think she’s waking up, and she’s not showing any signs of brain damage so far.”_  
  
 _“She’s waking up?” His heart lifted slightly, soaking in the hope._  
  
 _“Yes, baby, she is. They’re taking her off the machines in an hour.”_  
  
 _He leaped back up; hugged her so hard she had to push him back to breathe. She held his head in her hands and said, “She’s going to be fine, baby. Everything’s going to be okay.”_  
  
***   
  
“It’s because I’m ugly isn’t it?” she said dejectedly, scratching at the cast on her left arm.  
  
Josh’s first thought at seeing her was that she looked good, all things considered. If it wasn’t for the scratches on her face and the cast on her arm, nobody would have known she’d lain unconscious for three weeks. She was so happy to see him too! He could tell. Her face simply beamed in joy at the surprise her brother arranged for her. “Oh Luke, thank you!”  
  
“It’s the least I could do, Nat.” Drawing her to one side but still speaking loud enough for Josh to catch it Luke said, “Just fill me in next time, okay?”  
  
“O-kay…” she’d drawn out in agreement. Josh saw the love her brother held for her as he kissed the top of her head.  
  
He felt terrible as he sat and listened to the effort Natalie made just to see him again. Because she wanted to date him? He wasn’t sure how to handle the situation.  
  
“Josh,” she asked, interrupting his thoughts; bringing him back to her question. “I’m ugly, right?”  
  
“No!” he replied to her. “That’s definitely not it! Do you know how many of my friends at camp thought you were cute?”  
  
“Oh, yeah,” she asked skeptically, “then why didn’t any of them ever ask me to be their girlfriend?”  
  
Josh sighed as he realized what he’d put his friend through. “I guess because they thought I was interested in you.”  
  
“But you’re not.” she looked as though she’d burst into tears.  
  
“Um, damn… How do I…? Um, Natalie… I really like you! _So_ much! And I didn’t want to lose your friendship so… It’s not you, it’s me…”  
  
“Oh, my God!” Natalie almost yelled indignantly. “That is so _lame_! At least tell the truth and say I’m ugly and you’d never date me!”  
  
“Nat… I guess I should have told you sooner but… the thing is… I’m not sure what you’ll think. I don't know how you’ll react… I didn’t want to lose you as a friend…  
  
***  
  
 _He was the new guy at camp. He was older at seventeen and this was his first camp. There was something about the guy. He had this aura around him... he shone almost. Josh felt confused. He couldn’t stop staring at him; as a result had caught the boy’s eyes a few times. The boy knew he was looking._  
  
 _Then one day Josh was jostled in the food line and he came face-to-face with him. He was the same height... gentle blond hair... liquid blue eyes._

What?

_He asked Josh something but Josh was dumbstruck. "_ _Huh?”_   
  
_“Do you want to go for a walk?”_   
  
_If this guy had asked Josh to jump from a cliff, he would have done it. Josh was lead by something deep inside of him he didn’t quite understand._   
  
_As they left the camp for the camouflage of the woods, the boy took and squeezed Josh’s hand. He kept thinking he should be shocked... he should pull away... but he couldn’t! He liked the feeling. He felt wanted. It was almost like electricity. It was instant, and he glowed red as he felt himself growing hard within the confines of his corduroys._

What the hell?   
  
_The other boy glanced around, but most of the kids were at lunch. They were alone. He turned, and Josh became suddenly aware of a tree trunk against his back. The boy was looking at him with such intensity like he wanted to…_

What does he want?   
  
_Josh fought at first as the stronger boy embraced him. He was trapping Josh up against the tree. Eventually Josh relented when the guy pulled back; looked at him, thumbing his cheek gently and leaning forward to kiss him. Josh struggled to get into the kiss at first. His breath shuddered with feeling from the moment the older boy’s lips met his. This wasn’t his first kiss. He’d had plenty of kisses with girls._  
  
But… but this is…!   
  
_The boy’s wonderful tongue went down Josh’s throat; his hand reached down to the bulge in Josh’s corduroys; smoothed around to his buttocks._  
  
 _He could feel the bark of the tree against his back. It burned slightly but just added to the wonderful feelings he was experiencing. This felt so right! This felt like everything he'd ever looked for and more._  
  
 _Without further resistance, Josh’s hands found the muscles in the other boy’s back._  
  
***  
  
She snorted like a piglet when she giggled. It was adorable... infectious. Under usual circumstances it never failed to set him off too, but at that moment her hilarity was aimed directly at him. It was hard. She was the first person he ever told... it was hard to tell her this thing about himself... and here she was laughing at him like he was some huge joke!  
  
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she kept saying between snorts, as she tried to compose herself into something more serious and understanding. The tears rolled down her cheeks from the laughter. “So let me get this straight!” And that just set her off again.  
  
To be honest, Josh was starting to get angry at her. He couldn’t believe that she’d do this to him.  
  
“You thought… you thought…” She giggled some more. “You thought I wouldn’t understand?” And there was a huge emphasis on the 'I'.  
  
“Okay, now look!” he said annoyed. “I get that it’s a huge joke for some people, but this is my life we’re talking about! I thought I might lose your friendship, but really Natalie, you’re being so uncool!”  
  
“Okay… okay…” she said, calming down a little. She waited a few more minutes... took a deep breath and said, “Josh?”  
  
“What!”  
  
“How long have we been sitting here?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean, how long have we been sitting here watching my family enjoying a picnic in the park?”  
  
“I don’t know! What kind of question is that?”

“Try taking a closer look, dummy!”  
  
He had no idea what she was going on about, but he scanned the park. Her parents were playing ball with two younger children, laughing and clapping whenever one of them caught it.

“Cute kids,” he said.  
  
“My brother, Ethan, and my nephew, Nicky.” she replied.  
  
“Luke has a son?”  
  
“Well, yes… I guess… It’s complicated. Keep looking…”  
  
He saw her sister Faith, who he remembered from camp. She was reading under the shade of a large tree, one leg tucked on top of the other. He thought it was amazing how much older she looked since the last time he’d seen her. She hadn't attended camp for at least two years.  
  
Then he started! His eyes widened as they fell on Luke with some other taller man. They were locked in a hug, smiling at each other, staring deeply... lovingly... into each other’s eyes; occasionally leaning in for a kiss.  
  
“Oh,” was the only thing he could think of to say.  
  
“Oh’s right!” snorted Natalie once more.  
  
Seeing the joke, realizing how much time he wasted trying to hide his true self from a girl who’s own brother was gay, Josh burst into fits of laughter as the two of them rolled around together on the grass.  
  
***  
  
 _“So all of this was over a boy?” Luke asked, as he sat at her bedside._  
  
 _“Yeah. He likes me! I know he does! He just doesn’t know it yet! But he’s special, you know? He’s not just any boy…”_  
  
 _“No, obviously not.”_  
  
 _“I should have told you before… I know that now.” Then when she saw Luke’s face turn sad she took his hand. “It’s okay, Luke. I don’t blame you! I was stupid to leave like that! I should never have done it!”_  
  
 _“I’m so sorry, Nattie!”_  
  
 _“I’m sorry too… but hey look,” she held her arms out to her sides, cast and all, “I’m just fabulous!”_  
  
 _Luke laughed lightly. “Yes you are! You’re the best!”_  
  
***  
  
Luke found Noah sitting with his back up against the trunk of a tree. Noah patted the space next him in invitation and Luke smiled. As he sat, he slipped his arm around Noah’s waist. It had been ten whole minutes since their last kiss and he longed for more.  
  
Noah’s eyes were locked with his... reading his desire. He raised Luke’s hand to kiss the inside of his wrist. Luke watched mesmerized. Bit by bit Noah made his way up the bare flesh of Luke’s arm, his kisses light as a feather. Eventually Noah’s mouth reached his neck... his breath warm... his chin resting on Luke’s shoulder. Luke’s hand, now perfectly positioned, cupped Noah’s ear as Noah’s kisses reached his jaw... his cheek... finally his mouth. A soft and gentle kiss.  
  
Noah pulled back... smiled... kissed Luke again, this time a little harder. They broke off, enfolded their arms around each other. Noah stroked Luke's hair tenderly and it felt amazing. Still holding Luke close, Noah kissed his ear. “You okay?”  
  
Luke smiled. “More than okay…” and he rubbed his cheek against Noah’s.  
  
Another kiss began... then another... and another... harder and more urgent... more insistent until the touch of lips turned to the touch of tongues and desire began to peek for both of them.  
  
When they pulled apart Luke laughed. “Something tells me I might get lucky tonight!”  
  
“Could be...” Noah’s face was dappled with sparkling sunlight as he looked up at the canopy of leaves above them. His white shirt was a stark contrast to the almost neon green of the park grass. He opened a soda he had next to him; drank and offered it to Luke; watched as Luke doused his thirst as well. When the bottle left Luke's mouth, Noah wiped away a droplet on the side of his lips. They could have talked, but instead they gazed unblinking into each other’s eyes, until Luke couldn’t resist leaning in for another kiss... sweet from the soda.  
  
There were many moments he’d known with Noah that he’d wished he could parcel in a box and keep for life, opening the box up to look at them whenever he wanted. This was one of them. Moments like these when they felt so perfectly aligned.  
  
“Noah?”  
  
“Hmm”  
  
“I’m really glad we’re getting married.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“Do you want to know what I think after all of this?”  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“I think it’s time for us to get off our lazy butts and start planning a wedding!”  
  
“Oh, same here! Definitely, same here!”  
  



End file.
